oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
