Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
