I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
