right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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