so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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