Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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