so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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