you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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