it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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