I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
