tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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