my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
