I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
