all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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