I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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