can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
