well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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