I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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