and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
