I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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