Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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