He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
