I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
