I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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