I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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