Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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