i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
