he puts the penis in happiness.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
