You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
