we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
