Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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