Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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