don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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