So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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