Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
