While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
