i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
