Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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