shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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