I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
