Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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