Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize