So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
