I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need water and some morals
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