hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's always time for handjobs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
