margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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