If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
