i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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