Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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