She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
