I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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