The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
