Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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