He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so much tequila, so little girl.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
