he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
