the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
