and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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