i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
