I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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