Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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