Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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