I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
