me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
