girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize