Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
