I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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